The Toner

of

Peyton Place

The Toner of Peyton Place
A one act play and primer on laser printers

by Jimmie Moglia

A one act play revealing - behind a façade of conformity and respectability - the hidden seamy secrets and passions of provincial printer life. Including the lust of the Drum for the Toner. But, after a brief flirt with the Drum, the Toner develops a burning and irrepressible passion for the Copier Paper. This leads to pre-marital sex between Toner and Paper. In turn, as confirmed by the Doctor Blade, the Paper becomes pregnant with words and images. Broken-hearted, the Drum recovers his composure with the help of the Recovery Blade. At the last moment, in a steamy and hot crescendo, the Fuser Roller performs the official marriage ceremony. Toner and Paper are married and live happily thereafter until the next page is printed.

The Characters

Scene 1.

A Laser Printer Psychologist stands close to a Laser Printer in operation. Strange and bewildering noises are heard inside. It’s hard to say if they suggest pleasure or pain. Intrigued, when printing is complete, the Psychologist lifts the lid of the printer and interviews the components inside.

Psychologist to Toner: Tell me something about yourself.

Toner: I am the most popularly known ingredient of a laser printer. Of course I am not alone, there is diversity and class distinction even among toners, some of them are more sophisticated and of a finer grain. You will find them in very high-resolution printers. Most working class toners are 600 or maybe 1200 dpi (dots per inch). It used to be that working class toners were all 300 dpi. But thanks to freedom, democracy and trickle down technology, our standard of dpi has increased. Today you only find 300 dpi toners in shelters for homeless laserprinters and in laserprinter slums and junkyards.

Apart from the size of the grain, all of us Toners contain particles of carbon and iron, as well as various other agents. It is the iron that makes us magnetic (when we get in contact with a magnet, that is). Like many ladies we are affected by weather and humidity. Humidity tends to make our particles lump together – a phenomenon vulgarly called ‘caking’. When so we become frigid and unusable, this is why we also have anti-caking agents in our composition.

Psychologist: Where do you live inside the cartridge?

Toner: My permanent residence, when I am not in use is in a component of the cartridge called ‘Toner Hopper’.

Toner Hopper: (showing a revealing slit in her skirt). I house the Toner and who called me ‘hopper’ instead of ‘container’ I don’t know. I guess it was a bow to tradition. The word ‘hopper’ is ancient and refers to the seed-filled container that farmers used when sowing a new crop. Or to the container used to hold and deliver grain to the miller’s grinding wheel. So we find in Chaucer (1386) "Yet I saw how the hopar wagges til and fro". And something went terribly wrong in 1430, because in the Life of Manhode the biographer reports, "He was grounden in the hoper broken and bruised". Later in 1649, in his Treatise on Agriculture, Blithe recommends, "be sure ever and anon to stir up the bottom of your hopper". This applies to me too. When the cartridge is installed (or if it is left unattended for a long time), it is important that I be ‘wagged gently ever and anon’, so that the toner is evenly distributed inside at time of printing. Besides, I have often inside my own Agitator.

Psychologist: Thank you, Hopper but (addressing the Toner again), what do you do for a living?

Toner: I work on demand and when not demanded I am unemployed. I work with a team of highly trained components each one of which does something to me (or I do something to them). Let me introduce you to my colleagues.

(enter the Magnetic Roller)

Magnetic Roller: My function is very simple. I am here to pick up the Toner and deliver it to the Drum. To tell you why I do this, I must give you a thumbnail description of the complete operation. In a laser printer the Toner travels first onto the Drum and then from the Drum to the Paper. The Drum (as he will say so himself) carries the image on which the Toner will stick before being delivered to the paper.

To go to the Drum the Toner (as well as the Drum) must be magnetized with the right polarities. My function, as I said, is to pick up the Toner, simultaneously charge it with the right polarity and deliver it to the Drum. By the way, in older printer models, my function was performed by the Corona Wire – it was actually a very thin wire almost as thin as a hair. It was called ‘corona’ because its function was based on the ‘corona’ effect, known to students of physics and electricity. In my present capacity, I work in close association with the Doctor Blade.

(enter the Doctor Blade)

Doctor Blade: Yes, were it not for me it would not be possible to dispense the right amount of Toner to the Drum and printing would be a big mess. You see, the Hopper, as you might have noticed, has a slit through which the Toner is picked up by the Magnetic Roller. My function is to reduce the gap of the slit to the optimal size. You can say that I ‘doctor’, (that is, I measure and distribute accurately across the length of the gap) the amount of Toner to be delivered to the Drum. If I increase the gap more Toner goes out and the image is darker, if I decrease the gap the image is lighter. That’s what happens when you tweak the darkness control.

Psychologist: But how can the Drum succeed in attracting the Toner?

Doctor Blade: I know, there must be passion and passion starts in the brain. But while passion in humankind is usually blind (that’s why the Greeks had Cupid blindfolded), here it must be regulated.

Psychologist: What do you mean?

Doctor Blade: Let me introduce you to the Charge Roller who will explain.

(enter the Charge Roller)

Charge Roller: As you just heard, my colleague the Doctor Blade accurately doctors the magnetized Toner out of the Toner Hopper. But just as it takes two to tango, it takes two magnetized objects of opposite polarities to attract each other. My function is to polarize (i.e. properly magnetize) the Drum so that the Toner will fall on it.

Psychologist: Does the Toner fall all over the Drum then?

Charge Roller: No. As I charge the Drum he becomes ready to receive the Toner. At this point, the Laser performs an almost magic operation.

(enter Laser)

Laser: Yes indeed. My function is to direct my beam to the drum there and only there where an image must be formed. As the beam hits the surface of the Drum the charge of the Drum becomes very opposite to the charge of the Toner who will then be attracted to the portion of the Drum that I have hit (i.e. charged).

(enter Drum)

Psychologist: What next?

Drum: Having attracted the Toner to me in those parts where the image is to be formed, I rotate and rub against the Paper. Alas, the Toner (most of it anyway), now abandons me due to the strong attraction to the Paper. And this happens to me (3) times in the course of an image. Yes because, due to my dimensions, only one third of an image can be placed on me at a time. In larger Drums this is not necessary, but most laser printers have small Drums and I am made to suffer (3) times for each image.

Psychologist: Why are you also called Organic Photo Conductor?

Drum: Because I am sensitive, especially to light (hence the Greek term ‘photo’ = ‘light’) and become easily excited by magnetic charges (from the Charge Roller) and electrical charges (from the Laser) which I conduct. I am called ‘organic’ because of the Charge Layer on my surface - the (usually) green substance that gives me such a characteristic color.

Psychologist: If you are sensitive are you also weak?

Drum: I cannot deny that Drums that come with the original cartridges are in general quite weak. You see, for the manufacturers the least I last, the better it is. But Rechargers and many Remanufacturers install a Long Life Drum, which last 3-4 times longer than the original. The secret of longevity is in the greater thickness of the Charge Layer that I spoke about when answering your previous question.

Psychologist: Long live the Long Life Drum! But what happens to the remaining Toner – the Toner that did not make it to the Paper.

Drum: Ask the Wiper Blade.

(enter the Wiper Blade).

Wiper Blade: I am a polyurethane strip positioned against the length of the drum and I sit on top of the Waste Bin. As my name implies, I wipe away the excess Toner - that is - the spent portion left over after the image-forming Toner has been attracted by the Paper. If I were not there, the first 1/3 of the image would appear as a ghost background on the second part of the image and the second part of the image would appear as another ghost background on the third part of the image. It is important that my edge be absolutely sharp and smooth. A minor imperfection can cause Ghost images, lines, scratch marks etc. on the final print. As I said, I live just above the Waste Bin and share living quarters with the Recovery Blade.

(enter the Recovery Blade).

Ghost: (heard in the background) Revenge this foul and most unnatural murder.

Recovery Blade: Do not mind the Ghost. He is mad because in a well-maintained printer he can never show up. Yes, I also am a strip made of mylar resting against the side of the Drum. I am positioned just below the Wiper Blade. I make sure that the Toner scraped off by he Wiper Blade goes into the Waste Bin. Otherwise it would fall on the Paper creating a mess. If I am rippled or bowed or nicked, the Toner escaping onto the paper will show up as unwanted dots or large black spots.

(enter the Waste Bin)

Waste Bin: Do not leave me out. I collect the Toner that after an extremely quick season of passion and promiscuity cannot be used anymore. It is spent, forever unmagnetizable, good for nothing. I must be emptied and cleaned when the cartridge is recharged. Those who do empty and clean me use a Toner Vacuum, which is a specialized vacuum that can trap and collect the fine particles of the Toner. With an ordinary vacuum the Toner would just fly off in the air and burn the vacuum motor in the bargain.

Psychologist: What happens to the Toner on the Paper?

(enter Fuser Roller)

Fuser Roller: This is where I come in. I am a cylinder made of ceramic and my function is to fuse, to join permanently the Toner onto the Paper. I do so with heat, I literally melt the Toner relying on some chemicals in the Toner. Naturally I am very hot, this is why you see those ‘do not touch’ or equivalent warning signs on laser printers. My closest associate is the Wiper Wand

(enter Wiper Wand)

Wiper Wand: After the fusing of the toner the ceramic cylinder needs cleaning. Some black residue tends to remain on the cylinder. I am made of two parts, the wand itself and the strip of felt material attached to it. I or the felt must be changed each time the cartridge is changed or recharged.

Scene 2.

Psychologist: (closing the lid) All this is fascinating. Now show me again how you all work together.

The computer sends a print command to the Printer. The Drum is heard beginning to turn, as well as the Magnetic Roller. Excited by the Magnetic Roller and attracted by the oppositely magnetized Drum, the Toner leaves the Hopper through the slit and is accurately measured by the Doctor Blade. In the meantime the Laser beam strikes the Drum right there (and only there) where the image must be formed. The Toner, irresistibly attracted, abandons herself into the arms of the Drum and just in the traces struck by the Laser beam. But in a sudden change of sex (oops polarity) the Toner develops an instant attraction for the Paper. The Toner (most of it) leaves the Drum to be now received with open arms by the Paper. Together, Toner and Paper generate a Print. Disgusted with the remaining Toner, the Drum cleanses itself with the Wiper Blade and the Recovery Blade. The same sequence of event happens 3 times in a row for every image. In the end the Fuser Roller seals the perennial union of Toner with Paper.

Psychologist: Fantastic! Mechanically and electrically speaking you are marvelous, but as a psychologist let me tell you – you all could use some counseling.

Chorus: With rough and all-unable pen,
Our bending author hath pursued the story.
In hope that all may not be turned to nought
Piece out our imperfections with your thought.

The End (all Components bow to the Audience)

 

-Shakespeare's Views on the News-

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